Yami Python and the Millennium Fuzzypen of Doom
by NerdAnel the Wise
Summary: Yu-Gi-Oh Monty Python and the Holy Grail parody, PG for mild language and (very very fake) blood. First fic, please review!
1. Ch 1: Let the Insanity Commence!

Ohayou/Konnichiwa/Konbanwa, minasan!  This is my first fic.  Please review and be honest; if you think this sux, tell me! *Braces herself behind her handy-dandy flame-blocking shield of mercy*

Disclaimer: I own Yu-Gi-Oh AND Monty Python.  And today is OPPOSITE DAY!! ^-^

This is a Yu-Gi-Oh/Monty Python and the Holy Grail parody with the YGO charas casting as the MP charas.  If you haven't seen Monty Python, I pity you from the depths of my heart, and suggest you see it before reading this or you will think I've _completely _lost it.  If you have, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.  Heheh.  Enjoy!

Please note: DK=Author, and I'll show the names like this: 

[Original Name]([Dub Name])/[MP Character]

ALSO: I have separated the yamis and hikaris into separate bodies for story purposes.

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[We begin our story on a foggy moor on the isle of Great Britain, approximately, uhh, let's say 800 years ago (or 2800 years ago, according to the dubbers of Yu-Gi-Oh, who seem to have this problem of pushing back important numbers/dates in the plot 2000 years….grrr….anyway… clopping sounds can be heard in the mist; the outlines of two figures are seen]

Yami/King Arthur: his usual fierce WE CAN WIN THIS DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE HAVE 50 LIFE POINTS LEFT look in his face

 Dark Magician/Patsy: clopping two coconut halves together, looking nonplussed, hovering behind Yami

[Suddenly a castle wall looms in front of them.  A guard is on it]

Rishid (Odion)/Guard 1: Um…halt…looks at script Who goes there…

DK: WITH FEELING!  Lightning flashes

Rishid: sweatdrop HALT!!  WHO GOES THERE?!

DK: smiles sweetly Much better.

Yami: It is I, the Pharaoh, son of, of…_argg, stupid memory loss_…of another pharaoh guy, um, I come from my palace I'm-pretty-sure-I-had-in-Egypt…King of All Games, Defeater of all megalomaniacal mental cases who threaten this world, sovereign of all Egypt, and now England!

Rishid: Pray tell how did you become ruler of England?

Yami: Uh...sweatdrop…plot hole?

Rishid: Ah.  Well then, what do you want?

Yami: My trusty servant, um, Patsy DM's eye twitches and I have ridden the length and breadth of this land in search of other duelists who would join me at my court in a castle I just recently won here from a Shadow Game.  I must speak with your lord and master.

Rishid: What?  Ridden on a horse? peers down at the two

Yami: Um, duh?

Rishid: You do realize that you're using two coconut halves and banging them together simply to mimic the sound of a horse's hooves?

 Yami: sweatdrop Um, a certain evil Yami who likes bloody, raw meat sort of ate our valiant steeds.

Rishid: Er ……Where'd you get the coconuts, then?

Yami: looks at script Um…we…found them?

Rishid: Found them?  But we're up north!  Coconuts are found in tropical areas!

Yami: I brought them with me from Egypt.

Rishid: You couldn't have gotten past customs with those.

Yami: _Geez, he's good…_er, I mean, the swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house marten seek warmer climbs in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!

Rishid: So you're suggesting coconuts migrate, then?

Yami: They could be carried!

DM: stony silence

Rishid: trying to control laughter What?  Swallows carrying coconuts?  Impossible!

Yami: resolutely It could grip it by the husk!

DM: …

Rishid: It's not a question of where he grips it.  A five-ounce bird cannot carry a one-pound coconut.  Look, to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 493 (or 2493, in the dub) times a minute, right?

Yami: p.o.ed Shut up, fool!

Shadi/Guard 2: appears It could be carried by an African swallow.

Rishid: I suppose, but my point is that it couldn't be carried by a European swallow.

Shadi: Ah yes, then what you say is true, my friend.

Rishid: Anyway, African swallows are non-migratory.

Yami: extremely p.o.ed WILL YOU JUST ASK YOUR LORD IF HE WILL JOIN ME AT MY COURT IN THE CASTLE I JUST RECENTLY WON HERE FROM A SHADOW GAME??!!

DM: …

Shadi: to Rishid But suppose two swallows were carrying it?

Rishid: deep thinking If somehow a string could be attached to the dorsal feathers…

Yami: many popping veins ^-^;; AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DM: Holds up a cue card that says "Perhaps we should leave now, master?"

Yami: pant, pant Perhaps you are right.  Come, Patsy!

[They ride off into the mist, leaving the two annoyingly philosophical Egyptians to their discussion]

[In a very muddy, dirty, medieval village, a mortician is collecting the bodies of the dead on a cart, already piled high with unfortunates]

Shizuka (Serenity)/Mortician: Um, bring out your dead?  bangs cowbell  Bring out your dead…EWWW THIS IS SICK!!!!  WHY MEEE?!!

DK: Because you need to toughen up.  You're always "Joey, save me!" and "Joey, he's gonna win, right?" and it GETS ON MY NERVES!!  Deal w/ it, chica.  sticks out tongue

Shizuka: Sniff…sniff…but I love my brother Joey and we will always be there for each other!!  starts to go into "moving speech" mode

DK: -_-x Get on with it… foreboding thunder

Shizuka: Eeep!!  Okay, okay!! hastily clangs cowbell

Honda (Tristan)/Townsperson: _Heh, at least I get to do this…_  Yo, one over here!  Oh, hi, Shizuka!  Blush

Otogi (Duke)/Not Quite Dead Dude: slung over Honda's shoulder, facing backwards I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!!  Ohhh, hey Shizuka!!  Blush Um, actually, I'm not feeling that good, so you could just take me now, heheheheh….

Shizuka: Umm, okay…get on the cart, then… sweatdrop

Honda: WAIT!!  YOU FEEL FINE!!!  Drops Otogi I'm the one who's dying!  See?  wallows in mud on ground, groaning pitifully

Otogi: NO!!  Take me now, oh beautiful angel of Death!!  Wallows on ground, trying to outdo Honda in the way of pitifulness

Honda: But I'm DEADER than he is!

Shizuka: Um, is "deader" a word?

Otogi+Honda: It is if you say, oh Goddess of Perfection! Both covered in mud, sparkly eyes

Shizuka: runs away w/ cart, scared Joey? JOEY??  OH JOEY SAAAVE MEEE!!

[The two boys, still sitting in the mud, now notice Yami and Patsy- er, I mean Dark Magician riding past majestically, most likely the only things in town not covered in dirt]

Otogi: Who's that?

Honda: Oh, this Pharaoh guy who just moved from Egypt.

Otogi: Pharaoh, is he?  How can you tell?

Honda: He's ridiculously clean.

Otogi: Ah.  

[Both watch as he rides away]

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…Well, how was it?  I really just chose Rishid and Shadi randomly as the guards.  And yes Shizuka really does annoy me greatly.  I promise it'll get better as the story goes along, I'm just following the plot of the movie.  Read on to Chapter 2 and don't forget to review!

Oh my sweet Kharl that was corny…


	2. Ch 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a nice day.

Hi again!  Here's chapter two.  Be afraid.  Now our favorite schizophrenic platinum blonde Egyptian joins the party!  Read on and review!

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[Yami and DM are riding out on an open, hilly, green field with a castle in the distance.  On the hill below them are peasants "working" in the field, i.e. randomly digging in the ground with sticks, piling up clods of dirt, etc.  Yami walks, er, rides up to one of them.]

Yami: You!  Old woman!

Peasant: I'm a man, fool!

Yami: Oh, er, sorry.  Old man, what lord resides in yonder castle?

Peasant: I'm thirty-seven!

Yami: Er, what?

Peasant: I'm thirty-seven, I'm not old!  turns around to reveal he is…..*drumroll* …..MARIK!  A not-very-happy Marik ^-^

Yami: Oh.  Um, sorry….sweatdrop

DM: …

Yami: Well, I couldn't just say "hey man!"

Marik: You could call me, er, glances at script and looks very disgusted you could call me Dennis.

Yami: I didn't know you were called Dennis!

Marik: Well you didn't bother to ask, did you!

Yami: Look, I'm sorry about the "old woman" thing, but from behind you really do

 look--

Marik: There you go, making assumptions!  And automatically treating me as an inferior!

Yami: Well, I AM Pharaoh of England. makes a high and mighty stance as a single ray of sunlight shines on him

Marik: Pharaoh of England, eh, that's lovely!  And how did you get that title, eh?  By exploiting the workers!  By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma, which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our society!  If there's to be any progress--

[Just then a peasant woman, Isis (Ishizu), crawls up to Marik.  Now, just to let you know, we had to get her slightly intoxicated to do this… A/N: DK does not condone binge drinking!]

Isis (Ishizu)/Peasant Woman: Marik, there's some lovely filth down 'ere! *hic*  notices Yami Oh!  *hic*  How d'you do!

Yami: How do you do, er, good lady.  I am Yami, Pharaoh of the Britons.  Whose castle is that?  points to castle in the distance

Isis: *hic* Lord of the 'oo?  

Yami: Uh, the Britons…

Isis: 'Oo are the Britons? *hic*

Yami: We are all Britons!  I am your Pharaoh! Getting slightly annoyed

Isis: I didn't know we 'ad a Pharaoh.  I thought we were an autonomous collective. *hic*

Marik: You fool!  We're living in a dictatorship!!  A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

Isis: Oh, there you go, bringing "class" into it again *hic*

Marik: exasperated, getting psycho-eyes…wait, aren't his eyes _always_ really wide and purply-lavender and scary-looking??  Anway. But that's what it's all about!  If only people would listen-

Yami: sweatdrop Ah, good people, I am in haste.  Who lives in the castle over there?

Isis: *hic* No one lives there.

Yami: Then who is your lord?

Isis: We don't have a lord.

Yami: What?

Marik: Hands on hips I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.  We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week, but all the decisions of that officer must be ratified at a special biweekly meeting--

Yami: p.o.ed will you be quiet…

Marik: ignoring --By simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs--

Yami: eyes dangerously narrowed Will you be quiet!

Marik: --but by two-thirds majority in the case of more--

Yami: popping veins QUIET!!  I ORDER YOU TO BE QUIET!!

Isis: *hic* Order, eh?  Who does 'e think 'e is?

Yami: very exasperated I am your Pharaoh!

Isis: Well, I didn't vote for you.

Yami: YOU DON'T VOTE FOR PHARAOHS!!

Isis: *hic* Well how did you become Pharaoh then?

Yami: Wistful look on his face as he strikes a pose and looks off into the distance, background music like angels singing starts, a ray of sunlight shines on him again The Lady of the Random Lake in Duelist Kingdom, her arm clad in purest shimmering samite, held aloft the Millennium Sword from the bosom of the water, therefore signifying by Divine Providence that I, Yami, was to take the Sword and be Sovereign of all England! Everything abruptly stops, Yami glares at the ignorant peasants _That_ is why I'm your Pharaoh!

Marik: nonplussed Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!  Supreme executive power derives from a mandate of the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony. 

Yami: Shut up…

Marik: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Yami: Shut up, you insolent fool!

Marik: I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! his Yami takes over 

Yami: grabs Yami Marik's shirt WILL YOU SHUT UP, DAMMIT!!

Y Marik: absolutely raving now Ah!  Now we see the violence inherent in the system!

Yami: shaking him SHUT UP!!!

[Other peasants are staring now]

Y Marik: See?!  The violence inherent in the system!  HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!!!!! 

Yami: Stupid peasant!  Throws him on ground

Y Marik: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you see that, did you see that, eh? That's what I'm about- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you? [Pointing at random peasants, who are all backing away from him.]

Yami: grinding teeth Let us go, Patsy.

Patsy: *sweatdrop* holds up cue card: "Yes, master."

[They clop off, leaving a still-ranting Yami Marik]

DK: aims tranquilizer gun Sorry, Mari-kun, it's for your good. 

{sfx- Bang!  Sssssssstht.  Fwump.]

Isis, now sober: Oh!  Oh my Pharaoh!  I, I insulted you!!  WAHHHH!!!!  No!!!   I—I need to go to my happy place…my happy place…heheheheheh….OOO, PINK FLUFFY BUNNIES!!!!

DK: takes out a straightjacket Sigh, my work is never done…

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Okay, I sorta lied about separating the yamis and hikaris, but work with me here.  Review if you want chapter three!  ^-^


	3. Ch 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a spiffy day.

Thanks so much to Indygo and CityBS for their reviews!  I'm glad you guys liked it!  And yes, CityBS, I agree that Marik is misunderstood.  He's one of my fav characters, next to Yami Bakura (geez, I tend to go for the psychotic ones, huh?  Then again, I don't think anyone is sane in that show… ^-^;)

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[Yami and DM are clopping through a forest and spot a black knight and a green knight dueling on a bridge.  The green knight sends his monster to attack, but it is swallowed up by the BK's trap card.  Telltale dingy sounds signify the GK's lifepoints are at zero.  Suddenly the BK holds up a card, which opens up a portal to what looks like another dimension, and the unfortunate GK falls through with a pitiful scream.]

Yami+DM: sweatdrop.  They ride up to the black knight. 

Yami: You duel with great skill, sir knight.  I am Yami, the Pharaoh of England.

BK: …

Yami: Er, I seek the finest and bravest duelists in the land to join me at my court in the castle I just won here from a Shadow Game.

BK: …

Yami: You have proven yourself worthy.  Will you join me?

BK: …

Yami: Sigh.  You make me sad.  Very well, come Patsy.  They make to go around BK

BK: You shall not pass.

Yami: Uh, come again?

BK: I said, you shall not pass.

Yami: I do not wish a quarrel with you, sir knight, but I must cross this bridge!

BK: takes out sword Then you have sealed your fate.  Prepare to be sent on a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm!  MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Yami: notices some slightly-lavender-but-mostly-white-or-slightly-blue-in-the-very-first-season-that-the-WB-didn't-show-curse-them hair sticking out from under BK's helmet Hold it!  That psychotic laughter, that hair…it couldn't be!

BK: I move, removes helmet for no man!

Yami: Gasp!  Yami Bakura!

YB: MUWAHAHAHA!!!  U GOT IT!  And I especially don't move for some pansy pharaoh!

Yami: CURSE YOU!!  It's time to D-D-D-D-DU-

DK: HOLD IT!!  Time out!  Okay, for this duel, no cards, shadow games, sending people to the Shadow Realm, or any other supernatural powers.  Just yer swords, wits, and what little muscle you have!  TIME IN! Victory sign

Yami+YB: O_O;

Yami: Fine.  Patsy, my sword!

DM: Tosses sword to Yami

YB: Bring it on, weakling!

Yami: charges YAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

YB: steps to the side and dodges Hah!  What's wrong, too fast for y- hey! Finds left arm on ground, really, really, fake blood spurts from his wound

Yami: smirking Oh, what were you saying?  sweatdrop Umm, Bakura, what are you staring at?

YB: sweatdrop Number one, my arm is on the ground, number two, these are really bad special fx.

Yami: Well, the fact that DK only has 14 dollars currently available for spending because she's using the rest of her hard-earned (yeah right) money to buy more Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards so she can crush Kitsune Baka in a humiliating defeat so she can prove once and for all that she is the supreme queen of THE WORLD (DUN DUN DUN) could have something to do with that…

DK: Hey!  It was at least enough to buy ketchup!!

YB: Mmmm, ketchup… [Stares at fake dismembered arm, licking lips]

DK: Oh, get on with it…

Yami: Er, anyway…Now, I shall be on my way.  Come, Patsy.

YB: Where do you think you're going?

Yami: sweatdrop Um, I won.  I cut your arm off…

YB: Psh, 'tis but a scratch.

Yami: But your arm is kinda sliced off…

YB: No matter!  Have at you, sissy!  Charges

Yami: Rolls eyes and casually holds sword out, slices YB's other arm off. Hah!  Victory is mine!   Kneels down We thank thee, o Heart of the Cards, that in your mercy, I was able to beat this psychotic and megalomaniacal adversary-

YB: Starts kicking Yami with his two remaining appendages while laughing maniacally. 

Yami: What the hell are you doing?!

YB: What does it look like?!  Get up and fight like a man, if you _are_ one!  

DK: I do wonder sometimes…

Yami: closes eyes and sighs, exasperated If I must… With a single sweep, he cuts off YB's legs, so now he's kinda just a torso with a head sitting on the ground…um, ew… Let us go, Patsy.  They ride off

YB: HEY!  GET BACK HERE, YOU YELLOW-BELLIED COWARD!!  I'LL BITE YA KNEES OFF!!!!!!  HAVE AT YOU!!!!  

[End Scene—

YB: WAIT!!  I'M NOT DONE YET!!!!

DK: Sigh.  Ignore the ranting kleptomaniac.  

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DK: Yay!  I luv Yami B!

Yami B: Shut up, insolent mortal…

DK: Shut up, insolent bishounen, or I'll drop you into the pit of the RABID FANGIRLS!!!

Yami B: NOOOO!!!!!  ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!  *is now sobbing in the fetal position*

DK: ^^; Anyway, review, minasan!  Arigatou gozaimasu!  Yami B wa chou KAWAII desu!!  Watashi wa Yami B ga daisuki desu!!


	4. Ch 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a hard-core Gothic day. (inside joke)

Here's chapter four!  Thanks to CityBS for reviewing again!  Heheh, oh, and Seto will be making his appearance within the next 2-3 chapters.  I'm not gonna give any characters away, but you'll see… *gets devious look in her eyes*

And also thanks to my friends Hioga-chan, Kash, and Kitsune Baka for reviewing!  I miss you guys!

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[Scene changes to a village, a group of monks that look suspiciously like Marik's mind slaves are walking through, chanting in Latin (but it sounds suspiciously like "Pharaoh wa baaaaka desu") and banging their heads with wooden boards…Marik's plans must have been foiled again…Suddenly, a crowd rushes by, dragging a woman with them.]

Crowd: A WITCH!!  She's a witch!!  We got a witch!!!! They all stop in front of a knight, who is actually…

Yugi/Sir Bedevir: *Ahem* How do you know she is a witch? Adjusts monocle

Jonouchi (Joey)/Villager: Because she LOOKS LIKE ONE!! Crowd cheers in support

Yugi: Very well.  Bring her forward.

Anzu (Tea)/Witch: I am not a witch!!

Yugi: But you are dressed as one.

Anzu: Duh, they dressed me like this!!

Crowd: boos

Anzu: And this isn't my real nose, points to carrot tied over her nose it's a fake one!

Yugi: Lifts up fake nose, glares at crowd What do you have to say to this?

Honda/Villager: Okay…so we did the nose…and the pointy hat…but SHE'S A WITCH!!

Crowd: YAAHHH!! Burn her, BURN HER!!!

Yugi: Sigh…did you dress her up like this?

Crowd: No, no, no, yes—yes, a bit, a bit….

Yugi: exasperated What makes you think she is a witch?

Jonouchi: She turned me into a newt!

Yugi: cocks eyebrow

Jonouchi: sheepishly I--I got better…

[Silence]

Honda: BURN HER ANYWAY!!!  Crowd cheers

Yugi: QUIET!!!  Crowd keeps yelling I DEMAND QUIET!!  Crowd reluctantly shuts up. There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

[Yami and DM come upon the crowd.  They stop a distance away to listen.]

Crowd: Murmurs, looking at each other. 

Yugi: Okay, first off, what do you do with witches?

Crowd: BURN THEM!!!!  BURN THEM!!!!

Yugi: What do you burn apart from witches? Crowd goes silent. 

Jonouchi: MORE WITCHES!!

Yugi: Rolls eyes and shakes head.  Crowd is pondering his tough question. 

[Silence for like 3 minutes…]

Honda: Timidly Um, you burn, w- wood?

Yugi: Right!  So, why do witches burn?

[Silence…]

Jonouchi: 'Cause they're made of, wood…?

Yugi: Good!  So, how do we tell if she is made of wood?

Honda: Build a bridge out of her!!

Yugi: Slaps forehead Um, no…Glances at script because can't you also build bridges out of stone?

Crowd: Murmurs, trickling down into silence. 

Yugi: Sigh.  Does wood sink in water…

Crowd: catching on No, no!!  It floats, it floats!

Honda: Throw her into the pond!!

Crowd: The pond!!!  Throw her in the pond!!

Yugi: But what also floats in water?

Jonouchi: Bread!

Honda: Gravy!

Mokuba/Villager: Very small rocks!!

Weevil/Villager: Hee hee, Exodia cards!!

DK: EW!  What is that little freak doing here??  GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!  Zaps him out of existence Ah, much better.

All: sweatdrop

Yami: Heroic stance A duck!

Yugi: Looks at Yami, awestruck Exactly!

Crowd: Ooooooo!!

Yugi: So, logically…

Crowd: pondering

Jounochi: If…If she…weighs the same as a duck….

Honda: She's made of…wood…

Yugi: And therefore?

Jonouchi: Has a shocking revelation She's a WITCH!!

Crowd: A WITCH!!!!  A WITCH!!!!  

Anzu: Uhg…rolls eyes

Yugi: We shall use my largest scales!

[Everyone goes over to a huge set of wooden scales.  Anzu is placed on one side, a duck (named Bob, if you care) is placed on the other.]

Yugi: Remove the supports!

[Two random villagers use huge mallets to hit away two wood columns supporting the tray things.  And according to the Scales, compared to a duck, Anzu weighs…………. 

THE SAME!!]

Crowd: A WITCH, A WITCH!!!  BUUUURRRRRN!!!!!! They head off on their merry way with a finger-flipping Anzu, leaving a sweatdropping Yugi behind.  Yugi goes up to Yami and DM.]

Yugi: Who are you who looks like my older double, and who is so wise in the ways of science?

Yami: I am Yami, Pharaoh of Egypt and now England.

Yugi: kneels down My liege!

Yami: _Geez, finally some respect…_Good sir knight, will you come with me to the castle I just won here from a Shadow Game, and join me in my court?

Yugi: I would be honored, my liege!

Yami: Takes out sword and starts knighting Yugi] I dub thee Sir Yugi the Wise of the Pharaoh's Court!

DK/Narrator: Stuffing her face with Ranch Doritos, notices Yami tapping his foot impatiently. Heheh…coming, coming…Ahem, Sir Yugi the Wise was the first to join the Pharaoh's court, but other illustrious names were soon to follow:

Sir Jonouchi, the Brave!

Sir Ryou [Bakura], the Pure!

And Sir Honda, the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Jonouchi, who nearly fought the Dragon of Angor, who nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill!

And lastly, the aptly named Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film [Holds up a picture of Weevil, who, if you remember, was zapped out of existence so obviously could not appear in this film and even if he did still exist DK would rather die than make him a main character because he is so WRONG and his dubbed voice has officially freaked her out.  Gasps for breath]

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Well, I bet you Tea/Anzu bashers out there enjoyed this chapter (though I did not write it like that on purpose, I'm neutral when it comes to her).  Well, now that Yami has found his knights, things will begin to get very…interesting.  Heheh, yeah… 

Oh, and "Pharaoh wa baka desu" means "The Pharaoh is an idiot" in Japanese, though you probably could have guessed that.  I felt like putting the Japanese I learn in school to good use ^-^


	5. Ch 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a bloody magnificent day.  

Don't worry, City dear, Seto will come soon enough!  I wanna get his character right!  Thanks for reviewing so much, may Kharl bless you! (okay, about the Kharl thing, he's this (slightly psychotic) renkin wizard / alchemist demon guy in the manga Dragon Knights, and he rox, and it's this huge inside joke w/ my friends…yeah…but to be blessed by him is a big compliment! ^-^)

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[Now we see the whole party riding across rocky terrain, DM coconutting away, the others with random duelists they beat and forced into being their coconut-slaves for all ETERNITY!!!!  MUWAHAHAHAHAHA—…I'll stop now.]

Yugi: …and that is how we know that midgets will one day rule the world!

Yami: This new learning fascinates me!  Tell me again how sheep's bladders can be used to prevent earthquakes?

Everyone else: faceplant 

Yami: Holds up a hand Halt! Everyone stops; a castle can be seen on the hill above them. 

Yami: Everyone, I welcome you to my castle I won from a Shadow Game, called, uhh… oh yeah! Sees "Sold" sign …CAMELOT.

Jonouchi: Camelot!

Ryou: Camelot!

DM: It's only a model.

Everyone: O_O;

DK: Shut up!  Geez, the one time you speak and you have to be all negative…sniff sniff…

Yami: Duelists, I welcome you to…Camelot!

[Scene change to inside the castle, where a number of random duelists with duel disks are doing a lovely musical routine.]

_We're Duelists of the Square Table!_

_We dance whene'er we're able!_

_We do routines and chorus scenes,_

_With footwork impec-cable!_

_We dine well here in Camelot_

_We eat ham and jam and spamalot!_

_We're Duelists of the Square Table,_

_Our shows are for-mi-dable!_

_But many times, we're given rhymes,_

_That are quite un-sing-able!_

_We're opera-mad in Camelot,_

_We sing from the diaphragm-alot!_

_ *tap-dancing*_

_In duels we're tough and able!_

_Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable!_

_Between our quests,_

_We sequin vests,_

_And try to fix the cable!_

_It's a busy life in Camelot—_

_Unfortunate lone duelist I go to the Shadow Realm a lot!!!_

[Back to the group, outside.]

Yami: Sigh.  Then again, let's not go to Camelot.  'Tis a silly place.

All: Yeah, guess you're right…

Yami: Instead, let's waste the money that DK's saving up to buy overpriced Yu-Gi-Oh cards on RANDOM JUNK!!!

DK: NOOOO!!!!   YOU CAN'T DO THAT YOU LEATHER-CLAD SPIKEY-HAIRED, uh, MEANIE!!!!!

All: Huzzah!! ride off chatting merrily

DK: fuming You'll pay…oh you'll pay…heheheheh…

[Yami and co. are riding along merrily, to nowhere in particular.  Little do they know of the fate that awaits them…  Suddenly, the sky clouds over, and maniacal laughter can be heard echoing around the heavens.  All stop and look up.]

Yami: Gasp!  What in the name of the Heart of the Cards is going on??

[Suddenly a veil of clouds part, revealing a shadowy figure.]

Yami: Could it be…?

Yugi:…God???

[The figure begins to laugh again and turns around, revealing that he is actually…]

All: O_O YAMI BAKURA????!!!!!

Y Bakura: HAHAHAHAHA!!!  That's right!

Jonouchi: But if he's up dere, dat means he's…

Y Bakura: Yes, filthy mortals, I am GOD!!

DK: Well, temporarily, yes.  THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR SPENDING MY MONEY!!!

Y Bakura: GROVEL, YOU STUPID MORTALS!!!

Yami: points to script but it says here that you don't want us to grovel…

Y Bakura: I am above the script, you stupid Pharaoh!  Now, just to prove that, I'll order you to go on a pointless mission because I feel like it!

All: sweatdrop

Y Bakura: I command you to find—

DK: Whispers in his ear

Y Bakura: …the Millennium Fuzzypen (of doom)?!

DK: ^-^

All: O_O;

Ryou: Why is it "of doom?"

DK: innocently I d'no…

Y Bakura: ponders Well, I do want the Millennium items, plus I like the sound of the "doom" part giggles slightly while thinking evil thoughts …very well, YOU SHALL FIND ME THE MILLENIUM FUZZYPEN (OF DOOM), OR YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE _SHADOW REALM_!!

DK: You know, that just sounded really wrong…

Yami: nonplussed Couldn't you make up some other threat?  The whole "_SHADOW REALM_" thing gets a bit old—[bolt of lightning zaps him] …um, ow… sfx: sizzle

Y Bakura: menacing glare Well, what are you waiting for, a written invitation?! zaps purty little personalized envelopes into their hands  Get on with it!  [lightning crackles forebodingly]

All: Y-yes, Lord!! they hurry off as maniacal laughter echoes behind them

Y Bakura: [to DK] What exactly does the Millennium Fuzzypen (of doom) do, anyway?

DK: mysteriously You'll see…

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Well, that was a short chapter, sorry minasan!  If you've seen the Monty Python movie, you'll notice that I didn't change the song much…as the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  So yeah.  I promise I'll get the next chapter up soon!

A word on short people in anime: Have you ever noticed that people less than 5 feet tall in anime seem to be the most powerful?  Like Yami in Yu-Gi-Oh, Vegeta in DBZ, Hiei in Yu Yu Hakusho, and Kenshin in Rurouni Kenshin (well, he's like 5'4", but he's considered short in the show), to name a few.  _Their ultimate goal is world domination, _I tell you…__


	6. Ch 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a genki day!

Oh my Bakura!!  I can't believe how many reviews I'm getting!! *tears of happiness*  And just for that, all my wonderful reviewers get free Seto plushies, since you love him so much *tosses them at her absolutely fantastic reviewers*!!  I know what chara he's gonna be!!  But I'm not telling!!  I don't think it will be for a little while, but I promise you will like it ^-^  Updates may be every other day from now on; I need more time to think about characters and other stuff.  Plus high school, which is evil.  Bear with me, please!  Now on to chapter 6!

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[Yami and co. are gallivanting across the wild moors of England.  Well, more like frantically trying to escape the wrath of Bakura, but seeing as Bakura is God and omnipotent and all, their efforts are for naught.  Aaaanyway, they soon come upon a lone castle.]

Yami: [to his knights] HALT!!  [calling up to the castle wall] Uh, HELLO?  IS ANYONE UP THERE?! [nothing happens for a bit, but then an armored guard appears on the wall]

Guard: 'Ello!  Oh, Yugi-boy, eez dat you?

All: O_O;;;;

Yami: Oh my dear Lo- er, Bakura!

Honda: It's Pegasus….

Ryou: …with a French accent. -_-;

Jonouchi: Dat's it. I'm scahhed fo' life.

Yugi: AHHHHGGGG!   NOT THE YUGI-BOY!!!!  sobbing

Pegasus: giggle What eez it dat you want?

Yami: after a minute of terror-induced shock Uhh, er, who's castle is this?

Pegasus: Eet is the castle of mah lord and mastaire, Sir Lapin Floconneau!

Ryou: Er, if I am correct, that's "Sir Fluffy Bunny…"

Others: O_o;

Yami: clears throat Ah, please go and tell your master that we have been charged by Bakura with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for this night he can join us in our quest for the Millennium Fuzzypen.

Yugi: (of doom).

Pegasus: Well, I'll ask 'eem, but Ah don't theenk 'ee'll be verra keen, 'ee's already got one, you see?

Yami: Er, come again?

Jonouchi: 'e says dey've already got one!

Yami: Uh, are you sure he's got one?

Pegasus: Oh, oui.  Eet's verra nice! giggle

[Cut to behind the battlements]

Pegasus: [To three other guards; among them Croquet] I told them we've already got one! ^-^

Guards: muffled giggling

Croquet: Very good, sir.

[Cut back to outside the castle]

Yami: sweatdrop Well, can we come up and have a look?

Pegasus: indignantly Of course not!  You are Eenglish peegs!

Yami: angrily Well, what are YOU, then?!

Pegasus: Ah'm French!  Why do you theenk I have thees outrageous accent, you seely Pharaoh?!

Yami: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN ENGLAND?!

Pegasus: Mind your own beezness.  sticks out tongue

[Yami and co. are quite taken aback by this]

Yami: screwing up his courage If you will not show us the Millennium Fuzzypen (of doom), we shall storm your castle!

Others: murmurs of agreement

Pegasus: You don't frighten us, Eenglish peeg-dog!  Go and boil your bottoms, son of a seely person!  I blow my nose on you, so-called Yami-Pharaoh, you and your seely Eenglish K…k…kaniggets!  sticks his thumbs in his ears and blows a raspberry

Ryou: O_o What a strange person!

Yami: containing his anger Now look here, my good man!

Pegasus: Ah don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed aneemal, food trough wipaire!  Ah fart in your general direction!  Your mother was a hamstaire, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Yugi: Er, is there someone else up there we could talk to?

Pegasus: No!  Now go away or Ah shall taunt you a second time!

Yami: -_-xxx  This is your last chance!  I've been _more _than reasona… [voice fades out and scene cuts to Pegasus]

Pegasus: [to Croquet] Fetchez la toons!

Croquet: Eh, what?

Pegasus: FETCHEZ LA TOONS!!

Croquet: sweatdrop Er, yes sir… [hurries away]

[Back to Yami]

Yami: ….and that is my final offer!  If you are not prepared to agree with my demands I shall be force to take—OH BAKURA!

[Giant stuffed animal of Blue Eyes Toon Dragon comes sailing over the battlements, landing squarely on Ryou's coconut-dude, squashing him.  Owie.]

Honda: What a cruel thing to do!

Yugi: -_-; I was thinking more along the lines of "demented" and "strange," but—

Yami: Right!  Knights!  CHARGE!!!!

[Yami leads the charge towards the castle.  Various other giant stuffed animals of toon monsters are flung at them.  They battle bravely on, despite the fearful barrage of giant freaky things with maniacal grins…*sniff…* I knew them well…]

Yami: [As a guy next to him gets squished by a Toon Mermaid] Knights!  Run away!  Run away!!  [The knights retreat to cover amidst the echoing shouts of "run way."  They crouch down under some brush.]

Jonouchi:  Dose freaky-talkin French sissies!  I'll tear 'em apart!  [Lunges forward as Honda and Ryou try to restrain him]

Ryou: Now now, Jou, you shouldn't be one to talk about accents.

Jonouchi: confused What's dat supposed ta mean?

Ryou: Ah, never mind… ^^;;

Yugi: [to Yami] I have a plan, sir.

[Cut back to battlements of the castle. Pegasus and the others suspiciously watch where Yami and co. had retreated to.  Night falls, and at random times the sound of wood being sawed, nails being hammered, trees being cut down with heavy machinery, etc. can be heard.  Cut back to the battlements.  Pegasus is looking slightly nervous.  Suddenly squeaking sounds can be heard coming from the woods.  Suddenly an enormous wooden rabbit on wheels bursts through the woods, being pushed by some of Yami's men to the castle door.  However, this is no ordinary rabbit.  It is a cartoon-ish rabbit with a goofy expression.  The men hurry back to the undergrowth.  Pegasus looks at it for a second.  Suddenly he squeals with joy and hurries down from the battlements.  As Yami and co. watch from the bushes, the main gate of the castle opens, and Pegasus sticks his head out, followed by the three other guards.  The mutter to each other in French, Pegasus not so much muttering as squealing like a schoolgirl.  They then rush out and drag the rabbit inside, closing the gate behind them.  Cut back to Yami and co.]

Yami…now what happens?

Yugi: Well, now Jonouchi, Ryou, and I wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise!  And not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!

Yami: sweatdrop Who….who leaps out of the rabbit…?

Yugi: major sweatdrops as he realizes his teensy mistake Er ... We ... Jonouchi, Ryou, and I ... uh ... leap out of the rabbit and ...

Jonouchi: [slaps forehead]

Ryou: comfortingly There there, everyone has a senior moment now and then.

3,000-Year-Old Pharaoh: -_-xxxxxxxxx

Yugi: Well, we could build that dog in the cartoon…

Yami: [withering stare]

Yugi: …or not.

[Suddenly a twang is heard as the wooden rabbit is catapulted over the battlements.]

Yami: RUN AWAY!!!  RUN AWAY!!!

[Echoing shouts are heard as they retreat.  They all seem to be safe, but suddenly the rabbit falls from the sky like divine justice, and squishes an unfortunate coconut dude.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Phew.  I'm feeling more pressure with all the reviews!  Not much else to say, just don't annoy a French person, or a giant wooden rabbit may fall from the sky and squish you.  By the way, I'm ¼ French myself.   *evil grin*


	7. Ch 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Monty Python.  Have a maari day!  Maari means "good" in J.R.R. Tolkien's Elvish language (Quenya, not Sindarin for the picky people out there).  Why?  Because I watched the special extended version of the Two Towers yesterday and elves are very spiffy and bishie-like ^-^

Doumo arigatou gozaimasu, minasan!!!  My reviewers rock my socks!!  But AGAIN with Seto?!  It's not that I don't like him, he's one of my top 3 or 4 fav charas in the show (and he's probably the most like me: moody, has a younger brother, and gets straight A's.  Yah, I'm a total geek ^^;).  I SWEAR TO YOU I'll put him in!!!  Have patience, my good people!!  Or you'll make me mad!  And then I'll sic Bakura on you!!  PH34R HIS 1337 POW3RZ!!  

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[The scene begins with an old man wearing a modern-day suit, standing in front of what looks like a castle wall.  A crudely drawn sign hangs around his neck, labeling him "A Very Important Historian."]

DK: Hey, people!  As a special surprise, we have hired the original Very Important Historian Dude from the original Monty Python movie to narrate!  

VIH Dude: clears throat Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened, er, Pharaoh Yami ... The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise, and Yami became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the…uh…Millennium Fuzzypen…er, (of doom) was to be brought to a successful conclusion.  Yami, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate, and search for the, ah, Fuzzypen individually.  Now, this is what they did. No sooner—

[Suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes him.  He collapses on the ground.  A woman runs to him from off camera.]

VIH Dude's Wife: FRANK!!  Not again!!!  turns angrily to DK HE WAS JUST STARTING TO RECOVER FROM THE SLASHING LAST TIME!!!!

DK: major sweatdrop Er, I'm very, very sorry about that… hisses up to Bakura Why did you have to do that????!!!!

Bakura: Hmph.  The old guy was getting annoying.

DK: -_-;  Let us move on.  holds up cue card: "The Tale of Sir Honda"

[A/N: Okay, that was probably only humorous to those of you who've seen the movie.  Gomen!]

[Sir Honda is "galloping" merrily along in some woods, a troupe of minstrels with him, singing of his valor.  He looks very strong and proud, but the lyrics and signs they pass start to have their effect…]

[Sign: Camelot – 43 leagues  Eminent Death – 1 league]

Otogi (Duke)/Minstrel: rather gleefully  

Bravely bold Sir Honda, rode forth from Camelot,   
He was not afraid to die, Oh Brave Sir Honda!  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways   
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Honda!  
[Sign: Proceed at own risk.  We are not accountable for missing limbs, disemboweling, loss of life, etc. - K.C.]

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp   
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken;   
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away   
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Honda!  
[Sign: Well, nice knowing you. - K.C.]

His head smashed in, and his heart cut out,   
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,   
And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off-- 

Honda: about to puke  Er, That's ... That's enough music for a while, lads. It looks as though there's dirty work afoot.

[Sign: We'll send flowers to your funeral. - K.C.]

Otogi: ^-^ _Brave, brave Sir Ho--_

Honda: -_-; Shut up.

[They are now passing various charred skeletons, melted swords, etc.  Honda looks around warily as they continue on.  Suddenly, a giant roar shatters the silence.  Honda and co. find they have come upon…]

(All 3 heads) Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon: Halt!  Who art thou? [Honda nearly wets his pants, but Otogi and the other minstrels are unphased]

Otogi: _He is brave Sir Honda, brave Sir Honda, who—!_

Honda: Shut up.  Oh, nobody, really.  Just passing through, heheh…

BEUD: What do you want??

Otogi: ^-^ _To fight and--! _

Honda: Shut up!  Ah, nothing, really, just to pass through, good sir, uh, Dragon…

BEUD: I'm afraid not.

Honda: I am a Knight of the Square Table!

BEUD: You are a Knight of the Square Table?

Honda: Uh, yeah, I am…

[A/N: Now the three heads talk individually.]

2nd Head: Oh sporks.

1st Head: In that case, I'll have to kill you.

2nd Head: Shall I?

3rd Head: Oh, I don't think so.

2nd Head: [to 1st] What do you think?

1st Head: I say kill him.

2nd Head: Well, I'm still not sure…

3rd Head: exasperated Okay, how many think I should kill him?

1st Head: I say kill him.

3rd Head: Well, that's only one.

2nd Head: That's not a quorum! 

1st Head: Hmph.  It is if I'm chairman.

2nd Head: But I'M chairman this week!

1st Head: Oh, quick, I want to Burst Stream him!

3rd Head: Oh, Burst Stream yourself.

2nd Head: Yes—do us all a favor!

1st Head: What?

3rd Head: muttering …yapping on all the time…

2nd Head: You're lucky; you're not next to him!

3rd Head: What do you mean?!

2nd Head: You snore.

3rd Head: Hmph, liar!  You've got bad breath!

2nd Head: Only 'cause our arms are too short to reach our mouths…

3rd Head: Oh! stop bickering and let's go and have tea and biscuits. 

1st Head: All right! All right! We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.            

2nd Head: Yes.                                                                                                                    

3rd Head: Oh! not biscuits ...                                                                                              

1st Head: All right! All right! Not biscuits - but let's kill him anyway—

[Silence as they realize they are alone]

1st Head: blinks He buggered off! 

[Sir Honda rides off to the triumphant music of his minstrels, contemplating how the heck Kaiba stands "his precious" BEUD.  I mean, do they have to have a committee meeting every time they attack?  Or an anonymous vote?  And then do they need to take recounts?  And bring it to court? And--]

Otogi: _Brave Sir Honda ran away—!_

Honda: I didn't!

Otogi: _Bravely ran away away—!_

Honda: NO!!  I didn't!!

Otogi: _When danger reared its ugly head,  
He bravely turned his tail and fled  
Yes, Brave Sir Honda turned about  
And gallantly he chickened out!  
Bravely taking to his feet  
_Honda: DID NOT!!

_He beat a very brave retreat!  
Bravest of the brave, Sir Honda!  
Petrified of being dead  
_Honda: YOU ARE SO LYING!!

_Soiled his pants, turned away and fled!_

_Brave BRAVE BRAAVE, SIR HONDAAA!!!_

Honda: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Uhg.  That took a looong time to type, 'specially the three head thing…  Well, I guess you could say Kaiba sorta kinda not really made an appearance!  Again, please be patient, I also have school and other stuff taking up my time, but I'll do my best to get these chapters out!


	8. Ch 8

I don't own Yu Gi Oh or Monty Python.  Have a positively splendid day.

WEEEEE!!!!  My Dragon Knights volume 10 FINALLY came after practically a month…curse you Barnes & Noble's!!  Um, well, getting back to more relevant things, I'm very sorry this chapter took so long, I had to think it out more and the writing didn't come as easily…along with homework and stressing over stupid gym teachers who give you unearned detentions (but that's cleared up, thank Bakura).  Not much else to say, just a big thanx to my old and new reviewers!  And just so ya know I mean no offense to anyone in this chapter…you'll see why I say this…

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[It is night.  We see a worn and tired Ryou out on the moors during a violent storm.  An eerie scream is heard.  Ryou's face contorts in terror.  What could have made him so scared?  Obviously he doesn't want to wait around and see for now he runs blindly through the brush.  He stumbles; he has injured his leg on a thankless rock.  A stream of rather creative cursing issues from his supposedly pure mouth.  Suddenly, a flash of lightning lights up the moor.  In the distance we see a large, foreboding castle with a bright beacon on the top.  Ryou gasps as he notices that the beacon is fuzzypen-shaped!  He gasps again as the eerie scream once more echoes behind him.  He hurries to the castle door.]

Ryou: pounding on door OPEN THE DOOR!!  In the name of Pharaoh Yami, open the door!  [Chains rattle as the door begins to open.  Ryou stumbles inside.  The door crashes shut behind him.  He turns around, and instantly the atmosphere changes to one of warmth and welcoming.  Many young women dressed in white gowns are looking at him with curious expressions.]

Blonde Lady: Hello!

Other girls: Hello!  muffled giggles

Blonde Lady: Welcome, bish- er, gentle Sir Knight, to the castle Aoi-yey!

Ryou: o_O; Er, castle what?

Blonde Lady: looks downcast I know, it's not a very good name, is it? brightens up But we are nice, and shall attend to your every…every need!

Ryou: Uh, you are the keepers of the Millennium Fuzzypen?  Of doom?

Blonde Lady: The what?  But you are tired and must rest awhile!  Midget!  Crapper!

Midget+Crapper:  Yes, oh Zoot?

Zoot: Prepare a bed for our guest. gives them a pointed look

Midget+Crapper: Yes, oh Zoot!  Thank you, oh Zoot!  bowing profusely as they leave the room

Zoot: [to Ryou] The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big! 

Ryou: sweatdrop Well, er, look, I—

Zoot: What is your name, handsome knight?

Ryou: Uh, Sir Ryou, the Pure. [Was that a devious look in Zoot's eyes?]

Zoot:  Mine is Zoot.  Just Zoot.  But come… she leads him to a door

Ryou: Uh, look, I really ought to be—

Zoot: Sir Ryou!  [A gasp issues from the girls in the room]  You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality!

Ryou: o_o; looks around the room and notices that many of the girls are on the verge of tears Well, I guess I—

Zoot: moves off and Ryou reluctantly follows Sigh, I'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eightscore young women, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us. Oooh, It is a lonely life ... bathing ... dressing ... undressing ... making exciting underwear....

Ryou: OO;;;;; [They reach a door at the end of the corridor.  Zoot turns to Ryou]

Zoot: sparkly eyes We are just not used to handsome knights…

Ryou: OO;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;  [Zoot notices he's limping]

Zoot: Oh!  But you are injured!!  You must lie down!  

Ryou: N-no, it's noth-- [She drags him into the bedchamber and forces him to lie down on the bed]

Zoot:  You need a doctor!  claps twice Piglet!  Winston! [Two more young women enter the room]

Piglet: Well, looks strangely at Ryou, what seems to be the problem?

Ryou: They're doctors?

Zoot: sweatdrop They have basic medical training, yes.  Now you must try to rest.  Doctor Piglet, Doctor Winston she winks, practice your art.

[As soon as Zoot walks out of the room, the door slams shut, and suddenly the room is transformed.  Tapestries covered with images of hot bishounen drape down from the ceiling; a computer appears in the corner of the room.  Piglet and Winston have also changed; they now look like modern-day teenage girls, and are staring at Ryou as a cat would a canary.  Their T-shirts have a silhouette of a fuzzypen on them, like some sort of emblem.]

Ryou: Wh-who are you???!!!

Piglet: HAHAHAHAHA!!  We are the Yaoi Fangirls Writer's Guild!!

Ryou: What do you want??

Winston: Oh, we want you.  You shall be the inspiration for our next twisted fic!!

Ryou: WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!  NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! sobbing in fear

Piglet: Hm, I wonder what we should do…overly sappy, or gratuitously kinky?  Winston?

Winston: staring at Ryou OMG he's so CUTE!!!  GLOMPING TIME!!!

Ryou: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! makes a daring leap for the door, but not before the two crazed fangirls grab him and glomp him.

Ryou: turning various shades of blue

[Suddenly, a brave shout is heard from within the castle.  Sounds of fighting echo outside the door.  It bursts open.]

Jonouchi: RYOU!!  Ryou, you okay, man??!!!!  runs over to the hapless lavender-haired boy, yanking him out from under the fangirls.

Winston: HEY!!  He's ours!!

Piglet: Wait a sec, dear. devious look I think I see an adorable pairing in the works…

Winston: Heheheh, good point…

Jonouchi: O_o Whaaa??  OH NO NO NO!!  You chicks ah messed!!  

[Jonouchi runs out of the room and down the hallway, knocking over fangirls left and right.  Miraculously (or by sheer dumb luck), he reaches the door, which is miraculously (or by sheer dumb luck) open.  He races out into the woods.  He drops Ryou as he gasps for breath.]

Jonouchi: Ryou, you okay?

Ryou: O_O in a dazed shock F-fangirls…yaoi…gratuitous fanservice…

DK: Oh my.

[Back to castle]

Midget: Oh shit.

Winston: Ditto.

Piglet: SO CLOSE!!  SO CLOSE!!!! sobs with frustration

Zoot: Heheheh…do not think this is the last time we shall meet, my precious bishies…you may have won the battle, but the war is far from over…

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OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!  I do not mean to offend anyone who likes yaoi or is a fangirl.  I personally am not anti-yaoi, but fangirls do tend to scare me ^^;  I was kinda afraid to touch on this subject, but please, a lot of yaoi stuff (not all, people) has gotten so cliché, it's sad.  Again, I'm sorry to anyone who is currently prepared to strangle me.  Oh, and Aoi-yey is Yaoi in pig-latin, if you didn't guess that already.


	9. Ch 9

I don't own Yu Gi Oh or Monty Python.  Have a fantabulous day.

Hey all.  It's on to chapter 9.  9 is my favorite number.  Good things happen when 9 is involved, such as a certain character appearing that everyone has wanted to appear since, like, chapter 1.  Well, technically, this chapter should be different, but I switched a couple scenes around, but it still makes sense.  Well, as much sense the insanity of Monty Python and Yu Gi Oh combined could make…

_To Keiko C. Crawford_: Hey, thanx for the review!  I was wondering, if you and your friend could perhaps find a scanner, would you perhaps like to show me the picture your friend drew???  I would really, really like to see it, if you don't mind!  I've actually drew a title pic for the fic, basically a take on the Holy Grail title image thing with all the charas in the grail, 'cept now I have all the chibi YGO charas sitting on the big poofy part on the top of the fuzzypen.  I was bored.  Yeah.  Anyway, please let me know!  My e-mail's in my profile thing.  Arigatou, Kei-chan!  And my best regards to you and Seto!

Seto: NO!!  SAVE ME FROM THIS INSUFFERABLE FANGIRL!!

DK: ^^; but you look so cute together!

And of course, a huge heartfelt thanx to ALL of my reviewers.  If it weren't for your enthusiasm, I wouldn't have gotten half this far! *gives you a virtual hug*

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[We are back at the place where the poor Very Important Historian Dude was, ah, _accidentally_ struck by lightning.  The police are now on the scene, taking notes in their little notebook thingamajigs.  DK is hiding up in a tree.]

DK: Why am I up here, you ask?  The answer is simple: I don't have a good lawyer. -_-;  

Police: glance up, hearing DK

DK: OO;;  Shoot!  looks up at the sky Um, Bakura?  A diversion would be nice right about now…

Bakura: glares down at her I should help you…why?

DK: Two words: rabid fangirls.

Bakura: OO;;;;; Okay!!  I get it!!

[Out of nowhere appear two Man-Eater Bugs.  We leave the scene as the sounds of terrified screams are heard…]

[We now see a young prince gazing out of a high castle window.  He is pretty young with messy, kinda long black hair.  Another boy is standing next to him; a tall teenager, with brown hair and blue eyes.]

Seto/King: One day, lad, all this will be yours!

Mokuba/Prince: sounding half-asleep What, the curtains…?

Seto: -_-x No, not the curtains…all this!  waves his arms at the land beyond the castle all that you can see…stretched out over the hills and valleys…as far as the eye can see and beyond.  That will be your kingdom, lad!

Mokuba: But sister—

Seto: Brother, lad…

Mokuba: But brother, I don't really want all that…

Seto: Listen, lad, our stepfather built this kingdom up from nothing.  All he had when he started was swamp…other kings said he was daft to build a castle on a swamp, and he damn well was, but he built it all the same, just to show 'em!  clenches his fist  It sank into the swamp.  So he built another one…that sank into the swamp.  He built another one…that burned down, fell down, _then_ sank into the swamp.  So he built another, and that stayed up!  And that's what we inherited from him when I shoved him out of that window: a bloody castle built on a bloody SWAMP!!

Mokuba: But I don't care about any of that…I'd rather…

Seto: irritated Rather what?

Mokuba: I'd rather…just…sing…! musical intro

Seto: You are NOT going to do a song while I'm here!  music abruptly stops  Listen, lad, in twenty minutes you're going to be married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in all of England!

Mokuba: …I don't want land.

Seto: Listen, Alice—

Mokuba: Herbert.

Seto: Ah, right.  Listen, Herbert: Our stepfather built this castle on a bloody swamp; we need all the land we can get! 

Mokuba: But I don't like her…

Seto: Don't like her?!  What's wrong with her?  She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge…tracts of land…

Mokuba: wistfully I know…but…I want the girl that I marry to have a certain…special…something…! music intro

Seto: Cut that out! music stops You are marrying the princess, so get used to the idea!  Guards!  two guards enter the room and stand on either side of the doorway 

Seto: to guard 1 Make sure the prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.

Guard 1: Not to let him leave the room…even if you come and get him.

[Immediately Seto draws his sword and runs Guard 1 through]

Seto: Hmph, I have no room in this castle for idiots. turns to Mokuba And get dressed for the wedding! walks out of the room

Mokuba: Sigh… gazes forlornly out of the window.  Music intro starts

Seto: pokes his head in the doorway AND NO SINGING!!  [Music stops.  He storms out of the room.  Mokuba gazes out of the window once more…sighs…and suddenly a thought strikes him.  He sneakily creeps over to a desk, grabs a piece of parchment, and begins to scribble on it, all the while glancing at Guard 2 who just nods and smiles serenely.  He finishes and ties the note to an arrow.  He walks back over to the window, hiding the arrow behind his back.  Without turning, he grabs a bow from the wall and fires the arrow out the window.  He looks defiantly at the guard, who again smiles and nods.]

[Cut to the middle of some woods, where Sir Jonouchi is riding along with his trusty coconut-clopping servant, Concorde.]

Jonouchi: An' ovah we go! he strides over a tree trunk as Concorde leaps over after him Well taken Conkid'!

Rex/Concorde: sarcastically Oh, thank you sir, most kind… grumpy mumbling

Jonouchi: An' anothah! Concorde is so wrapped up in his grumbling that he trips over a rock

 Concorde: ARG!  That hurt like a mother-- as he tries to get up, an arrow suddenly pierces his chest Ah, message for you, sir… he falls on his back

Jonouchi: CONKID'!!  Speak ta me!  he then notices a note attached to the arrow.  He takes it off and reads it … "Ta whoeva finds this note – I've been imprisoned by my fathah who wishes me ta marry against my will. Please please please please come and rescue me. I am in th' tall towah of Swamp Castle." Suddenly his eyes light up with inspiration

Jonouchi: At last!  A call!  A cry of distress… he draws his sword and turns to Concorde Oh, brave Conkid', you shall not 've died 'n vain!

Concorde: sweatdrop Er, I'm not quite dead, sir…

Jonouchi: slightly deflated Eh, um, well, you shall not 've bin' mortally wounded 'n vain!

Concorde: I think I could pull through, sir.

Jonouchi: Good Conkid'!  Stay 'ere 'n rest awhile! he makes to leap of dramatically

Concorde: Er, I think I could come with you, sir.

Jonouchi: I will send help, brave friend, as soon as I've accomplished this most darin', desperate adventure 'n this, uh…

Concorde: Genre?

Jonouchi: Yes!  This genre!  Farewell, brave Conkid'! Plunges off into the forest, leaving a rather taken-aback Concorde to sit and look at the arrow protruding from his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well.  It hath finally happened: the appearance of Seto Kaiba!  Rejoice!  I'm sorry I ended the chapter right there, but I will definitely get the next part up as soon as is humanly possible, and perhaps faster if you review!  And about the guards: I bet you were expecting the really long conversation between the king and guards, but seriously, do you think Seto has that much patience?  ~_^

**added 12/1203**

Geez, I'm really sorry, guys!  I know I haven't updated for more than a week (feel free to flame me, I deserve it…).  I'm sorry, but my interest AT THE MOMENT in Yu Gi Oh is less, but I'll probably pick this up again during winter break (week of Christmas).  Yes, I hate it when authors do this, yes I know I suck…  But right now with Return of the King coming out in theaters, my main interest is Tolkien.  I'm typing out a couple  LOTR fanfics that popped into my head, but I swear on the Precious that this fic is not dead yet!  I plan to finish the madness I've started. 

 Doumo arigatou gozaimasu,

+DK+


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